I'm Tiff. Most of my introduction you can find in the 'about the blogger tag' but there is more to say. Right now, I'm currently stuck at my Parent's house. on their laptop thing. (Its actually really annoying because man, the mouse pad--box thing keeps messing with my thumb --actually it's the opposite. :P and it keeps messing up with what I'm trying to say. Grrr! FEEL MY WRATH.) Point is, I'm more of a desktop person. sitting right. No mouse thing to stop me from talking but hey. I'm bored. all my family are either at work or sleeping. I don't drive you see. or else I would be at my own house. while The Goober. (Goober = my Boyfriend Joseph) is at work. (He has the house keys. hints why I"m stuck at my parents for today. till he gets off work.)
Anyways, kind of funny I mentioned the love of my life. Goober. He'll be in pretty most if not all of my posts. Seeing as how he plays a huge role in everything. wither it's all good or bad, it doesn't matter. He's there. being in the center of it.
We have Three months till being together for a year. We live together. He'd abled-bodied/ (AB) and I'm not. I have a disability called CP. (Cerebral Palsy) I also have Aniexty and Depression. (Wanna leave yet? Be my guest!} I'll try to get things light but my brain is naturally in the negative things. I'm a Cancer if that explains anything for you guys. (Zodiac fan here.) and I'm simply a emotional person. sometimes too emotional. (Like lately.) I do have some OCD Traits. not cleaning but the obsession parts. I don't do rituals on a daily basis. Rituals do not reassure me. If they did I would be doing them over and over. but... Basically my mind will repeat things to me over and over and of course they are things that aren't about rainbows and unicorns. usually it's about stupid shit that wont stop. Pictures? Yep. False Urges? Yeah, I hate those the most.
Mostly my Anxiety/OCD these days are about the ones I love and the ones who claim to love me. (If what I stated sounds familiar, and you have 'obsessions' but no rituals please talk to someone. or a doctor. Just because you don't have the rituals don't mean you don't have OCD. rituals can develop much later on. and you don't realize it yet.) usually when dealing with someone with this problem the person, in this case its me, wants or feels the need to have reassurance about the things they worry about. it could be once a week or everyday depending on my level of anxiety. what is hard is after a while..reassuring someone can get tiring. My family and even The Goober get sick of reassuring me of something that I should already know. especially if they just reassured me yesterday or the night before. Heck, I get sick of the feeling of needing it too. It gets emotionally tiring. I have went to many doctors and they all claim that Anxiety and my Depression are all because of Cerebral Palsy. Which I understand to a point. on one hand I think Doctors just automatically blame any illness on my CP without even really checking. on the other, I can see the link between the two. CP is brain injuries. I've been though a lot because of my disability so..sure. why not. It doesn't change though. I have to live with all the problems on a regular basis.
So that's whats a head for this Blog. I'm a complete nut case for sure. I'll probably have lots of posts about needing this and needing that. and wishing things would be different. But I am who I am. I'm 25. I just turned, July 8th and I feel like I'm on the verge of greatest. I'm just not getting there. stuck. (Hints the name of the blog.) But I've learned to deal with these problems over the years. (somewhat...if I have it completely under control I wouldn't need a blog would I?) and I've learned that no matter how hard things are I can't change them. I'll always be just me. Just Tiff. I just need to let things go. and not hold on so much. (again, Cancer.) I hold on to everything these days. holding it all in. not even talking to Goober about it because he hates talking to me about emotional stuff. (He's a man. a young one but still. it's like talking to a angry brick wall.) and every time I try to talk to him, he will pout and get mad and yell and I just needed a place to run away too. and maybe if I write it out to myself, I'll loose some of the dread inside of me. I can finally let go of whats been on my mind. (Believe me there's a lot. and it's not all happy and cheery. which I hate because it makes me feel like I'm turning into my Grandma Moses. UGH!)
This is what I want to come out of having a blog. I want to keep memories. I want to be open and I want the blog to go from black to light. I want to make myself happier by doing this. and if I leave this blog open for viewing I hope I don't become a total neg. (neg= fun sucker) to you. I hope that I can find someone who understands. and maybe share some advice. who knows. maybe this blog is on the verge of greatest itself. maybe it'll open doors to many others that are just like me. Because I don't want to be like the other people with a disability. I want to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I want to be positive. of course changing 25 years of thinking one way is hard. no doubt. but maybe I can do. with the blog. who knows.
I'll end this with a Zodiac Horoscope. (I don't believe them, but I find them interesting. maybe you will too?)
Horoscopes for Cancer on July 16th. 2013.
You are eager to integrate creativity into your regular routine.
Its Wonderful to be inspired and express yourself in ways and deeply touch others.
However, its a entirely different story if you have to platform on command everyday.
turning your art craft or talent into something productive requires the right mix of self-discipline and wild abandon. Fortunately you're able to find the perfect balance between the extremes if you let your intuition be your guide.
........
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....Whoa Dude, like I said. It's interesting. I hope it means this blog will do well. Ha.
Ciao!
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